My trip home for Thanksgiving

I am sad, I am crying, I am angry, I am bitter, and I am lonely. I'm home for thanksgiving but sadly it’s not a thanksgiving it’s a thanks”taking”. I am soon to be 20 in just a few weeks and what I thought would be a great ending to the year 2009 is turning out to be the most broken heart aching ending to the year 2009. I arrive to this place that I use to call home but now it’s just a lifeless square box painted in gloom. I don’t know what it is but it’s definitely not the home I left a year ago. I step in through the front door and the air has a haunting coldness about it that makes my bones ache.



I am uneasy


I am confused??? Where’s the warm love filled place I use to call home.


It’s gone without warning. Hey MOM!!! I walk up to her and go give her a big bear hug. The biggest bear hug I’ve ever given anyone. She’s shocked and surprise, I guess she really was expecting me to arrive Friday instead of Wednesday.


Perfect, that’s how I wanted it to be. Her face broke into Smiles and tears as she took a look at her big little man college son. It’s so nice to see her after being away from for so long. She holds me tight and doesn't let go.


I am safe. Nothing or no one can touch me or harm me as she embraces me within her love filled bosom. It’s late, and I am tired from the long trip home and she needs to get rest so we chat for a bit and then off we go to get some rest. We leave the good conversation for next morning’s breakfast. I head to my old room and oddly my bed is occupied by another being of whom I have no idea as to who it could be. The air in my room is thick with the smell of shit, just my luck right? Some crusty ass person who hasn’t showered in who knows how long is in my bed fast asleep unaware that I am watching over him in disgust. I hear mom’s voice from a distance and she says, “We let your older Brother have your room, we weren’t expecting you so early, forgive me honey”


FML


“It’s ok mom. I’ll just crash in the living room and we’ll figure things out tomorrow morning after breakfast.” I say.


Seriously though, what the fuck is that psycho doing here? I should beat the shit out of him with the bat in the front closet and claim my revenge.


Yea this is my older brother I am talking about, and I guess it’s safe to say that I don’t like him.Because I don’t. But I don’t hate him either. His name is Chris and the last time we met my life flashed before my eyes, and it was my blood that he wore as the police snatched his busted ass from a bush that I knocked him into. Knife still in hand and the look of a killer in his eye I bid him farewell forever as I stood there shaking in my cold blood from the many cuts inflicted upon my body accompanied by bite marks all over my face. I hoped never to see him again for as long as I lived. He tried to kill me that night, and the man that I knew as a father sat there front row anticipating my departure from the land of the living. I close that memory in my head; I am way too tired to think right now. All I want to do is sleep, I hit the couch and I knock out within minutes.


[Next day]


It’s colder than a snow storm in Iceland; I wake up grouchy as usual. I hate having my sleep interrupted it makes me bitchy. Mom is already awake and she greets me with a big smile and a nice vegetarian breakfast of beans, carrots, eggs and toast. Doesn’t sound too appetizing, but it tasted great. We talk and talk and talk and shared some tears. It’s a nice mother and son moment, something I think both our souls longed for, being that she’s one of my best friends and I hers. There’s no favoritism on my behalf though. My mother has discovered a best friend in each of her sons Chris the oldest, me the middle, and Cam the youngest…


I discover that my younger bro has dropped out of school for now and is moving to Las Vegas, he is the last of us to be at home with mom and now he has decided to venture out and away from home leaving mom alone. My heart aches at this. It’s hard to realize that momma will be alone with a man who took joy in my downfall at the hands of my older brother. She’s a woman that I hold very close to heart and have nothing but the highest respect for. It’s sad. I’ve always had a family and been use to knowing what would come next or at least have an idea of what the future holds for me and for the first time in a really long time I don’t know what’s next or what to expect. For as long as I can remember I’ve always had my younger bro by my side in everything that I did; be it sports, school, girls, EVERYTHING and I’ve always had the strong will and protection of my mother up to this point in my life. It’s almost up. I know that when I leave home this time it is for good. I am going to go and conquer LA one way or another, and live out my life chasing my dreams and living them, My mom is going her own way to find new discoveries and adjust to her freedom once again, Cam is heading to Sin City to embark upon a one man journey to find himself, and Chris is heading where no one knows. I'm hurting because the family that has been with me for the past 20 years is breaking up and going their own separate ways and this thanksgiving will be the last time that we will all be together for one last time. I’ve been trying to accept this but right now my heart is too tender and my minds too feeble. I look to my friends for strength and love. They are my new family that I have chosen to journey with me through this life for the many years to come. I know that this is the growing phase that we all eventually have to face. At some point we all have to break away from home and create our own home and break away from the security of our parents and find our own security within ourselves. It hurts like hell and I didn’t want it to be this way, but I am dealing with it the best way that I can.


I write because it helps me deal with the pain and hurt. It keeps me rooted to the true Cody Taylor on the inside. Writing gives me the strength to make the impossible possible.


Where ever I go I know that I will always have my family with me; my mom and my brother. Always in my heart always and forever…God will make sure of that-I pray He does. He will keep the love strong forever and put his protection over each of us because I believe and that’s all it takes. Hope, faith, and love with these things, we defy greatness and can Accomplish anything.

Quotes

"My life is being written, leave it all on the table and accept no regrets. Its short, Bitter, and Sweet...Waste time discovering adventures and leave everyone behind who seeks to doubt your success and dreams. Life is short so embrace them. I have one desire, one will, and one destination; Happieness. Stopping me is infeasable. Enjoy the show from the sidelines haters."-Cody Taylor

"I had to lose myself in love, but love was never truly meant for me, I am deficient to its grasp. And so it is that I choose to turn to music to fill that void."-Cody Taylor

''Today was the kind of day where I took a step back from time to take a look at the bigger picture.


Friends, Food, Music&Love is all that one truly needs to be successful.

It is all that I need.

I often think about God when He blesses me to have a moment that makes me stop my life in its present moment to realize how blessed and fortunate I truly am.

It can be so surreal at times that I'm at a loss for words.

I come to the conclusion that such a moment needs not to be defined.''-Cody Taylor

A look into the very rough draft pre-script of my novel in the works "Jadison"

Jadison


My book is about this guy by the name of Jadison who is a college student. He is a sophomore at Cal State Univ. Northridge and he loves it. He loves everything about college, from the campus atmosphere to the smell of the classrooms and the textbooks. But the biggest thing about college that he loves is that it’s such a philosophical world full of intellectuals on the corner of every street. Jadison is finally in a place where he belongs and has discovered happiness and friendship. He has so many good memories from kickbacks and parties that he spent with his friends already this school year, and with the year barely 2months underway, Jadison is excited for the year to continue to unfold. Jadison is a pretty smart guy; he knows what he wants out of life and knows what he has to do to get it, but unfortunately for him the school year starts off with too much fun and it proves too much for him to handle. But Jadison doesn’t care. He’s come to embrace the quote of Tom Petty, “You have four years to be irresponsible here. Relax. Work is for people with jobs. You'll never remember class time, but you'll remember the time you wasted hanging out with your friends. So, stay out late. Go out on a Tuesday with your friends when you have a paper due Wednesday. Spend money you don't have. Drink 'til sunrise. The work never ends, but college does...” Jadison has been using this quote since his beginning days as a college freshman and it’s never failed him yet.

A friend from high school comes to visit Jadison for two weeks from Japan just as the school year is kicking off. He caters to her every need and ends up establishing some feelings for her. But Jadison recently has been getting feelings for all his friends that are girls because he is longing for a relationship with someone. It has been nearly 2 years since his last relationship and he’s ready to find love. Mai-Rovei (friend from Japan) and Jadison party it up the whole time that she stays with him in the dorms and he introduces her to marijuana. They smoke a couple of days while she is there with him staying at the dorms. And one night they get caught by RA’s and the police. This is the start of Jadison drug career and one crazy ass night that pulls him into the world and far away from the person everyone knew and loved growing up. Jadison is your pretty average college student who does better than average with some extra hours of studying. He knows he’s not brilliant but still dreams of making the big bucks some day through fame. While Jadison is in his sophomore year he is faced with peer pressure and experiences with some different types of drugs…(ecstasy, pills, weed, liquid cocaine, and computer cleaner, ) during the time he is experiencing all these new things Jadison is also trying to work on himself as a man of integrity and dignity. He’s trying to be a good positive strong adult because he is soon to be 21 this next coming year and he wants to have everything on point so that he can become that superhuman type individual who has his priorities and life in order from front to back and back to front. Jadison feels the pressure from his physicist professor Ms. Akimi (shes Japanese and Jadison has a crush on her. He secretly fantasizes about fucking her relentlessly all over the classroom.) Jadison is going to fail her class if he doesn’t step his game up, but he has stepped his game up and he is still failing. He has never worked so hard and put so much effort into his schooling and studies before and still gained nothing. He is trying his hardest but it’s still not good enough. [All the while he is going back and forth from trying to do the right things to partying scenes and doing drugs and alcohol with some college friends at college parties. There are going to be some sub stories that build up the main story of Jadison outlined throughout the chapters.] The semester seems to be taking its time as the days pass and Jadison is hit with the reality that he is not going pass his physicist class. A class that is required for his major that is only offered once every 4 years. Jadison dream job revolves around this class. It’s his life. Something he has always wanted and gave his life purpose. He’s losing his mind and starts to hit the drugs and alcohol harder….one Friday night at the dorms alone Jadison decides to pick up a gram of marijuana from one of his buddies and a bottle of wine so he can enjoy his late weekend evening alone listening to the sounds of Kid Cudi. Sipping away at his chilled Sauvignon Blanc, crossing it with the effect of the sweet bud laced with THC, Jadison is pulled deep into thought and crosses into a whole other world located in the sole center of his mind. There he has an epiphany and comes to a resolve with his situation with class. He must kill Ms. Akimi and make sure that no one ever finds out or catches him in the act. He quickly devises a plan and goes through it in his mind for weeks. Finally he gains the will power to set his plan in motion. The following Monday he tells Ms. Akimi he needs to make an after hour appointment for a review on his past quiz due to some discrepancies. Luckily for him, Ms. Akimi was planning on staying late to finish up grading some papers that night and so she could squeeze him in right after she finished….. It was late, like around 10pm when Jadison met with Ms. Akimi. He walked into her office and was relieved to find no one there. In fact it seemed as though the whole Sierra Tower was empty by the quietness of the hallways. She closes the door and heads to the back toward another door. Jadison looks around observes his surroundings…empty, quiet, and gloomy. Seems the room had already been marked for death to pay it a little visit. Ms. Akimi tells Jadison to take a seat while she finishes up correcting papers. Jadison seats himself a few feet behind Ms. Akimi purposely to the left of her so that his shadow is concealed in the one casted down by the 9ft tall file cabinet lining the wall to the east side of the room. Jadison sits wondering when will be the right time to attack, and before he even realizes it he is already standing up walking toward her. He gets right up to her and goes to reach for her neck just as she turns around and looks at him startled. Her eyes confused and dazed, she is lost in the moment. It is too late now though, Jadison must complete his objective. He grabs her by the neck and covers her mouth to muffle the sounds of her screaming. He throws her against the wall and she goes limp. She isn’t dead though, just unconscious. He sits her up against the wall. She is beautiful; a beautiful disaster slain by the hands of an imbalanced 20yo. Jadison walks over to her and picks her body up off the floor. He feels his body waking up to the warm sensation of Ms. Akimi and his mind journeys back into his fantasies of him and making love to her. Jadison can’t control himself any longer at this moment. He lays Ms. Akimi on the table begins to kiss her, taking in the taste of her sweet lips. He takes in this moment of lust and lets it clothe him delicately as he unbuttons his jeans and slides down his pants. He parts Ms. Akimi's legs and fall deep into her penetrating her with his sword. She’s nice, real nice. Jadison goes harder, deeper, faster, and stronger. He grabs her breast and marvels them. His mouth waters and longs for the taste of her pink nipples. He heads up north driving his tongue from her belly button to the valley of her breast. He takes in each nipple like it’s a grape flavored jolly rancher. They react to the moisture and warmth of his mouth getting hard. And as her nipples get hard so does Jadison. He is at his peak and begins to blow out the contents of his mind through his sword. He releases, and turns her insides into winter wonderland. Fantasy fulfilled…. Time to get rid of the evidence… Jadison, wanting to avoid a bloody mess quickly dressed and put the room back to normal view. He walked back to the table where Ms. Akimi lay unconscious and raised her head into his arms and cradled it like a baby. One swift move, and 3 seconds later…Ms. Akemi is Dead... Jadison snaps her neck.

(This is the bases for my novel, Jadison. I am going to take an entire year to perfect it and mold it into the best story I possibly can. Hope you enjoyed the pre-script, stay tuned for the finished masterpiece; I am shooting to make it a couple of hundred pages long and very very juicy. So don’t worry that was just the introduction to my book: Jadison)