Awake

I am a mirror man because I am not me, nor am I who you to believe. Those reflections you see of me are misleading renditions that seek to define me. The individual inside is growing with knowledge fueled through rage. My counterpart seeks to indulge in my wrath being taken in by the man who prowls after me day in and day out awaiting my down fall so that he may rob me of my treasures that lay hidden within my soul. Foolish is the bastard and feeble his mind must be, for my treasures surely will die with me as the last breath releases its touch from my lips.

With only one life to live, my beginning was a fade due to Satan’s will to fuck someone’s life up. He’s the definition of a true Bitch, definition and origin granted to him the day his mind committed suicide. Unique I am now…the truth: I was touched, someone pure and innocent touched by the corruption of the world. Still good though I am; I bare the scars like the warrior of some tribal community. I am.

A Warrior.

Some like me, some despise me, and others could care less. Left up to those who love me, they say that I am special- special because I am unique and unique because I am special. An unclear understanding is what accompanies me as I set off to find happiness and my other half.

I am fearless to this world and its Monsters… need I remind you that I bare the scars of a warrior inflicted upon me by the true Bitch of this world. I walk tall and strong, but I am trapped, I am human, and I am hurting. Darkness and sadness trail me on this troublesome journey. I turn left, then right, then left again to try to shake them and in front of me staring me in the eyes is the door to deaths’ house.

I close my eyes and do what I do best: Dream

I dream of peace, love and friendship. My hearts’ 3 most desired things in life. I feel the wind on my skin and it speaks to me saying “Wake my son”

I open my eyes and there I am, lying in a field of green pastures beside the still waters.

I drink….

Footsteps off in the distance…

My heart starts to pound…

I am beyond scared, for this time I just may be--..SWOOSH!

Anxiety fills my lungs

I can’t breath

I feel her breath upon me and my shirt is ripped off

I hear another’s voice saying “pierce his heart, and this time don’t miss”

I turn to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s too late…

I am lying on my back in bed half naked, soak and wet from sweat.

Annoyed from the Loud BUZZING noise coming from my alarm, I snatch it out the wall and throw it across the room…

Weird: I remember falling asleep with a shirt on….

Music.....

[Cody]- "Walks over to the bed and turns on his Ipod...Connects the headset and slides the earbuds comfortably in his ears....let the ride begin"

What inspires me is music. It's somthing that takes me away from life, far away to parallel universe full of beats and rhythm. I am its lover. MUSIC. My lover and its faithful and worthy of all my trust. It gives me such a strong EUPHORIA that life itself doesnt seem to exist anymore. Its such a GRAND feeling that pills and drugs are unworthy of inflicting such ECTASY on one person. It turns my brain waves into an amusement park where everything is built around catering to me and my needs. A musical world is formed around me and holds me as its true prisoner of war. Its an ongoing battle of beats verses rhymes verses instruments verses lyrics--When the war Begins-- I am raped brutally and relentlessly. Mercy is for the Bitch that is sound asleep dreaming of counting sheep under a full moon.


 Through music my dreams are reality, my problems are resolved and perfection is what is staring back a me as I stand here looking into the mirror. With music i can do anything-- flying through the concrete jungle as it reveals itself to me through the streets of New York is like a walk in the park; a walk in the park where the ground is made of the keys of a piano and the monkey bars are the strings of a spanish guitar. It whispers in my ear the sweetest sound ever known to man. I am weak to its attack and I release....Lying here defeated I am wet from my submission to music, to My love...

We lie together emotionally entangled. I am soothed by the touch of it and I cant take it anymore...this game of cat and mouse. I attack, penitrating music with all of my essence. I am vicious and head strong. Relentlessly returning the favor, I rape music with the eye of the tiger and the body of a Greek God.  The tables have turned and with all of my might I dig deep and free fall in. Deeper and deeper Music and I fall into Ectasy...

falling......

Deeper...

and Deeper

My heart races...beating like that sound of a thousand clydesdale horses racing --I am at my climax
And I must release because of fear of the unknown



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I live in a nightmare of hells deadly grasp.....

Fuck you, fuck him, fuck her, fuck them

fuck it all. Somone once told me that the good guy always finishes last. I Proudly laughed it off and thought to myself...What a douche bag, a low life rather- with the mind of a undeveloped child and the experience of a single sperm waiting to be fertilized. How could the good guy always finish last? That doesnt make sense..does it?  If good prevails over evil, and bad guys walk in the shadow of evil then why the hell does the good guy finish last?
...................ok, wait.... let me open the door to reality. These people arnt bad guys  but indeed I am the good guy and I am saying in truth...FUCK YOU
I am the nice guy, I am the good guy, I am the one who will take the bullet for my worse enemy overlooking what he or she may have done.
I am the guy who will jump through loops for you.
YOU being the person who I just got off the phone with, or the person who just walked by me in the hallway on their way to class.You being the person reading this, or the person completely unaware that I or this blog even exist.
Yes...I am that person who puts himself on the line for you when I can,  and when I cant at the cost of nothing. I sacrifice myself for you. That is to say that I am second nature and not first. But pump your breaks and let reality slap you in the face because I am not Superman, nor am I the Hulk. And as much as I wish that I could say that I am your friendly neighborhood Spiderman...I cant.
CONCLUSION
I am not a Superhero, I am not Superhuman
I am what you see when you look in the mirror every morning. I am a human being and I function as a human being.  I have emotions--I get happy, sad, Angry--
I laugh, I cry, I smile, I eat, I think, I breath, I sleep

Dont you get it? I am a human being!

Realize that I dont keep going and going  and going like the energizer bunny- No one does
...and im curious...I thought that the world revolved around the sun and that the people lived on the planet? When did this change? When did people start thinking that their needs were more important than the next, or the earth revolved around them? I CAN SOUND THE ALARM TO WAKE EVERYONE FROM THIS ILLUSION

I have no problem in doing so.... I mean I am here to help after all

You see the truth is that I truly understand the whole purpose to life itself.
Funny huh, at the young tender age of 19 I sit here claiming to have discovered the purpose to life and indeed I have.........I assume you wish me to reveal it to you

but I cant
its somthing that you live day in and day out
sun up til sun down- day after day after day
And when you discover it
life is beautiful, its everything you could ever imagine and you never want it to end.

But unfortunately for every start there is a finish and to every breath given, one is taken.

It appears my breaths have begun to limit themselves. Surely it seems that way from the begininng of this blog. I lose hope and await for someone like an older me to come uplift the feeble-minded man I have become. For I do agree that I am strong for my brethren who is all I have but when he who is so close to me makes to turn against me, I am weak and puzzled.
For I'd lay down my life to save my own enemys life and give my heart to save his enemys life....then why must I be turned upon with such  betrayal
.....to this I say
Fuck you, fuck him, fuck her, fuck them all...

Kill me dead for my soul has been sucked out of my body, and I lye here dead...Slain by the knock of a policeman awaiting my answer just on the other side of the dorm room door

Red against the black of this webpage is the best way to begin this part of the chapter- Given that you werent immediately pulled in through the tone of the title...

You know I ask myself time and time again Am I a good guy? And for the most part the answer that shoots out the left side of my brain is always yes. "Your a great Guy". and I go on about life satisfied with the days work. But today was my day of reckoning=\ .....
As I inhale the smoke coming off of the pipe from the flame kissing the sweet green bud inside the pipe, I am taken deeper and deeper into my state of  relaxation of the Universal mind controlling beats coming out through the speakers. I am on a road to extasy where worries don't exist and feeling good is the only thing that is allowed. Deeper and Deeper I fall into this state as I press forward kissing the pipe; I am making love to it and its as good as it gets. I exhale and my mission is complete. I am done, destination arrived at, and fantasy fulfilled...or so I think. I am enjoying my high and everything is good...too good.....

  3 knocks sound on the door with the impact of Thor's Hammer and HELL has been AWAKEN. The music is loud but I cant hear it-the piercing sound of lifeless horror consumes me and My insides contract  slowly pulling in toward the center of my body. It seems  as though my soul has left my body. THEN OUT OF NOWHERE 3 MORE LOUDER KNOCKS CAME AND I KNEW RIGHT THEN AND THERE THAT I WAS DEAD TO WORLD. STUCK LIKE GLUE. I SCRAPE UP THE WILL POWER TO MOVE TOWARD THE DOOR KNOWING THAT SOON MY DEAD BODY WOULD BE STARING LIFELESS UP AT MY SOUL IGNORANT TO THE SITUATION.  I MAKE IT TO THE DOOR AND WITH A TWIST OF THE KNOB THE DOOR IS FORCED OPENED AND  CONCEALED BeHIND THE DOOR STOOD 2 POLICEMAN AND 2 RA'S[RESIDENT ADVISORS]
sHOCK WAVES LITERALLY SHOT THROUGH MY BODY AND I WAS PARALYZED ...DEAD
In they walked one behind the other disecting the the scene with eyes like a tiger...quick and lethal. All was there to be seen, and placed delicately on the table. A charcoal colored nicely shaped piece paired with a bob marley lighter. [how classy right?] I WAS CAUGHT DEAD.
Still paralyzed by the rude awakening that I have been cursed with I try to force myself to get a grip and sober up...little help it was.

The short fat officer does the collecting of the bud, or as he called it the collecting of "evidence". Happily I wave good bye to the last of the weed I will ever smoke in my life. IM DONE WITH THIS SO CALLED SUBSTANCE KNOWN TO MAN AS MARIJUANA.
I believe it was christopher columbus and his group of men who brought it over to this land back during his expedition days. [info Courtesy of the history channel and youtube]

yes yes, ok, alright back to the fat officer and his collecting of "evidence''.
He cleans up well  and leaves not a crumb. We began to go through the standard procedure for someone whose caught with possession of marijuana. FML right now ....on goes the procedure; he gets my name, number, social security number ...EVERYTHING. He gets it all and finally the US government has added me to their system at the fine age of 19. I hear my file being pulled over the police officers radio...its a woman speaking: "Okay I have Cody Taylor, Male, 6ft 7inches, African American, 19yo, birthday= 12/26/1989 @ this address _________. "

My mind is racing 100miles a minute and the nautiousness kicks in. I am on the verge of throwing up the juicy BBQ "boneless" rib I just ate about an hour ago. I control my breathing to reduce the chances of vomit splattering the freshly cleaned floor.
It works.
The policeman tries to strike up some conversation to break the gloomy silence but his efforts where savagely defeated- For I am unable to converse, think, breath, blink.....I AM UNABLE TO FUNCTION.

Time is ticking...second after second...tick tock tick tock tick tock.
the time continues and soon I am handed a ticket citation with my name and court date on it....How cool it is to be an American Citizen right about now
The fat police officer bids me farewell and leads the way out my dorm room. FINALLY I AM FREE TO FREAK THE FUCK OUT !!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO NOW. I MIGHT AS WELL PACK UP MOVE TO CHINA AND CHANGE MY NAME TO PING LEE!!!! MY LIFE IS OVER AND IM DEAD. THIS ISNT A BAD DREAM, THIS IS REALITY MY FRIENDS..i CODY TAYLOR FUCKED UP BIG TIME AND THIS MISTAKE COULD COST ME EVERYTHING I HAVE WORKED HARD AT TO GET ME TO THIS PLACE. THIS GREAT, AMBITIOUS, OPPERTUNITY GIVING, KNOWLEDGE INSTALLING, AND LIFE TIME EXPERIENCE LIFESTYLE.[COLLEGE!!!]


As i think deep about what just happened, I calm down and I relax. The dorm is dead silent due to the murdering presence of the police that have just exited. Its just me, my room, and all my things here. No one and Nothing else exist. ITs quiet....real quiet and I have adjusted to this calm vibe. Its like the calm after a big scary storm...BINK!!! my cell phone notifies me that I have a text message from Dain[New Guy I met...pretty cool dude I would say].. my heart beat rises as a reAction and then thiings mellow out again-----

I am overwhelmed  and my thoughts grow limited. It is time that I do what is possibly the most valuable advice you can give any one person.
"Sleep on it"
yes yes I must sleep and hope for a better sence of understanding in the morning
...I am too weak from the battle....................
for I have been slain by the knock of a policeman.



[Live above the influence+Stay away from Drugs]!!!!!

Analysis of the DormSocial

Did i have a good time....thats the important question, the one that matters most

i had an okay time. As usual i dominated in beer pong and chattered up some small talk with a few worthy young ladies...didnt manage to get names or numbers tho. Sucks for me, right? yes, i knoe especially since im craving the attention of my dream girl to make her presence known in life

many heart aches...lifes a bitch
a beautiful bitch
though, shit someone has to admit it


but hold up people, Ive gone off course once again just like the day before and the day before that day and so on and so forth continually.

back to beerpong...so i decided to sell Ivan the rights to my partner slot-many buyers bid but none worthy to be a true partner to the beerpong champ himself.

The game to took start and Ivan right off the back took the title of a dynamite player[really im being over nice with that statement...take if very lightly] But not to complain because we were consistant through out the game and lived up to our titles(ChaMPS). The only annoyance came from this genuine New Yorker who had never played a game in life until tonight. Oh joy to his good first game for he indeed was vicious in attack. Demian [the cool roommate] sucked as usual lol I mean from what I have been able to collect from him hes not that good but its ok. Thats small shit.

[hmmmmm...]

[the roomies are talking loud...its nice puts me in the mood to talk more. ironically i dont think that is going to happen.]

Back to the beerpong, so yea yur guess is as good as mine .WE WON not surprised and no im not a cocky arrogant asshole I just write through my mind and anything and everything goes on my blog....as i have said[Its my world and its a Black Tie Affair]

.....We win and i am bored so i decide to go home to smoke. It was ok. You know I never smoked or drank til college, wish I hadnt but it was inevitable for me. Not ashamed but I do hold regret.

We Smoked
I took two hits because I realize im such a weirdo when I smoke like I cant control myself and my emotions. Leaving me to the universe to conduct a circus act with me.

My efforts to stop smoking as well as my efforts to stop drinking are in full swing now. Weed is not cool..... however DRINKING=]...it may be different-I dont  like it much but then again I do. Its a confusing situation to contemplate. I must admit though that in all truth it is fun and the golden eliment that keeps the party in perfect alighnment.
Retired to the room after a few mins of conversation and began to let my mind dine on the abundant source of blank space that begs to be written on.

...................................................................mindset change

I have been blanketed with sleep
sorry to have to cut you off but this is a real life blog
in the time of me
ZZZZZZZZZZZ
...and just like that
Im gone
;-]

Experiencing with the Biggest Gateway Drug Known to Mann Tonite at a DormSocial

Yea so as we speak I am waiting right now for my friends and I to engage ourselves into a night of drinking and  theAmerican Boogy, lol American Boogy; who says that shit. I say that shit, I think I do anyways well thats what my mind tells me and then I am hit with the realization that I am thinking way too much


[pause]

ok so I am better now
but what to do in the meantime

just waiting waiting waiting.....


the door bells ring and just like that I'm out like the light.