My trip home for Thanksgiving

I am sad, I am crying, I am angry, I am bitter, and I am lonely. I'm home for thanksgiving but sadly it’s not a thanksgiving it’s a thanks”taking”. I am soon to be 20 in just a few weeks and what I thought would be a great ending to the year 2009 is turning out to be the most broken heart aching ending to the year 2009. I arrive to this place that I use to call home but now it’s just a lifeless square box painted in gloom. I don’t know what it is but it’s definitely not the home I left a year ago. I step in through the front door and the air has a haunting coldness about it that makes my bones ache.



I am uneasy


I am confused??? Where’s the warm love filled place I use to call home.


It’s gone without warning. Hey MOM!!! I walk up to her and go give her a big bear hug. The biggest bear hug I’ve ever given anyone. She’s shocked and surprise, I guess she really was expecting me to arrive Friday instead of Wednesday.


Perfect, that’s how I wanted it to be. Her face broke into Smiles and tears as she took a look at her big little man college son. It’s so nice to see her after being away from for so long. She holds me tight and doesn't let go.


I am safe. Nothing or no one can touch me or harm me as she embraces me within her love filled bosom. It’s late, and I am tired from the long trip home and she needs to get rest so we chat for a bit and then off we go to get some rest. We leave the good conversation for next morning’s breakfast. I head to my old room and oddly my bed is occupied by another being of whom I have no idea as to who it could be. The air in my room is thick with the smell of shit, just my luck right? Some crusty ass person who hasn’t showered in who knows how long is in my bed fast asleep unaware that I am watching over him in disgust. I hear mom’s voice from a distance and she says, “We let your older Brother have your room, we weren’t expecting you so early, forgive me honey”


FML


“It’s ok mom. I’ll just crash in the living room and we’ll figure things out tomorrow morning after breakfast.” I say.


Seriously though, what the fuck is that psycho doing here? I should beat the shit out of him with the bat in the front closet and claim my revenge.


Yea this is my older brother I am talking about, and I guess it’s safe to say that I don’t like him.Because I don’t. But I don’t hate him either. His name is Chris and the last time we met my life flashed before my eyes, and it was my blood that he wore as the police snatched his busted ass from a bush that I knocked him into. Knife still in hand and the look of a killer in his eye I bid him farewell forever as I stood there shaking in my cold blood from the many cuts inflicted upon my body accompanied by bite marks all over my face. I hoped never to see him again for as long as I lived. He tried to kill me that night, and the man that I knew as a father sat there front row anticipating my departure from the land of the living. I close that memory in my head; I am way too tired to think right now. All I want to do is sleep, I hit the couch and I knock out within minutes.


[Next day]


It’s colder than a snow storm in Iceland; I wake up grouchy as usual. I hate having my sleep interrupted it makes me bitchy. Mom is already awake and she greets me with a big smile and a nice vegetarian breakfast of beans, carrots, eggs and toast. Doesn’t sound too appetizing, but it tasted great. We talk and talk and talk and shared some tears. It’s a nice mother and son moment, something I think both our souls longed for, being that she’s one of my best friends and I hers. There’s no favoritism on my behalf though. My mother has discovered a best friend in each of her sons Chris the oldest, me the middle, and Cam the youngest…


I discover that my younger bro has dropped out of school for now and is moving to Las Vegas, he is the last of us to be at home with mom and now he has decided to venture out and away from home leaving mom alone. My heart aches at this. It’s hard to realize that momma will be alone with a man who took joy in my downfall at the hands of my older brother. She’s a woman that I hold very close to heart and have nothing but the highest respect for. It’s sad. I’ve always had a family and been use to knowing what would come next or at least have an idea of what the future holds for me and for the first time in a really long time I don’t know what’s next or what to expect. For as long as I can remember I’ve always had my younger bro by my side in everything that I did; be it sports, school, girls, EVERYTHING and I’ve always had the strong will and protection of my mother up to this point in my life. It’s almost up. I know that when I leave home this time it is for good. I am going to go and conquer LA one way or another, and live out my life chasing my dreams and living them, My mom is going her own way to find new discoveries and adjust to her freedom once again, Cam is heading to Sin City to embark upon a one man journey to find himself, and Chris is heading where no one knows. I'm hurting because the family that has been with me for the past 20 years is breaking up and going their own separate ways and this thanksgiving will be the last time that we will all be together for one last time. I’ve been trying to accept this but right now my heart is too tender and my minds too feeble. I look to my friends for strength and love. They are my new family that I have chosen to journey with me through this life for the many years to come. I know that this is the growing phase that we all eventually have to face. At some point we all have to break away from home and create our own home and break away from the security of our parents and find our own security within ourselves. It hurts like hell and I didn’t want it to be this way, but I am dealing with it the best way that I can.


I write because it helps me deal with the pain and hurt. It keeps me rooted to the true Cody Taylor on the inside. Writing gives me the strength to make the impossible possible.


Where ever I go I know that I will always have my family with me; my mom and my brother. Always in my heart always and forever…God will make sure of that-I pray He does. He will keep the love strong forever and put his protection over each of us because I believe and that’s all it takes. Hope, faith, and love with these things, we defy greatness and can Accomplish anything.

Quotes

"My life is being written, leave it all on the table and accept no regrets. Its short, Bitter, and Sweet...Waste time discovering adventures and leave everyone behind who seeks to doubt your success and dreams. Life is short so embrace them. I have one desire, one will, and one destination; Happieness. Stopping me is infeasable. Enjoy the show from the sidelines haters."-Cody Taylor

"I had to lose myself in love, but love was never truly meant for me, I am deficient to its grasp. And so it is that I choose to turn to music to fill that void."-Cody Taylor

''Today was the kind of day where I took a step back from time to take a look at the bigger picture.


Friends, Food, Music&Love is all that one truly needs to be successful.

It is all that I need.

I often think about God when He blesses me to have a moment that makes me stop my life in its present moment to realize how blessed and fortunate I truly am.

It can be so surreal at times that I'm at a loss for words.

I come to the conclusion that such a moment needs not to be defined.''-Cody Taylor

A look into the very rough draft pre-script of my novel in the works "Jadison"

Jadison


My book is about this guy by the name of Jadison who is a college student. He is a sophomore at Cal State Univ. Northridge and he loves it. He loves everything about college, from the campus atmosphere to the smell of the classrooms and the textbooks. But the biggest thing about college that he loves is that it’s such a philosophical world full of intellectuals on the corner of every street. Jadison is finally in a place where he belongs and has discovered happiness and friendship. He has so many good memories from kickbacks and parties that he spent with his friends already this school year, and with the year barely 2months underway, Jadison is excited for the year to continue to unfold. Jadison is a pretty smart guy; he knows what he wants out of life and knows what he has to do to get it, but unfortunately for him the school year starts off with too much fun and it proves too much for him to handle. But Jadison doesn’t care. He’s come to embrace the quote of Tom Petty, “You have four years to be irresponsible here. Relax. Work is for people with jobs. You'll never remember class time, but you'll remember the time you wasted hanging out with your friends. So, stay out late. Go out on a Tuesday with your friends when you have a paper due Wednesday. Spend money you don't have. Drink 'til sunrise. The work never ends, but college does...” Jadison has been using this quote since his beginning days as a college freshman and it’s never failed him yet.

A friend from high school comes to visit Jadison for two weeks from Japan just as the school year is kicking off. He caters to her every need and ends up establishing some feelings for her. But Jadison recently has been getting feelings for all his friends that are girls because he is longing for a relationship with someone. It has been nearly 2 years since his last relationship and he’s ready to find love. Mai-Rovei (friend from Japan) and Jadison party it up the whole time that she stays with him in the dorms and he introduces her to marijuana. They smoke a couple of days while she is there with him staying at the dorms. And one night they get caught by RA’s and the police. This is the start of Jadison drug career and one crazy ass night that pulls him into the world and far away from the person everyone knew and loved growing up. Jadison is your pretty average college student who does better than average with some extra hours of studying. He knows he’s not brilliant but still dreams of making the big bucks some day through fame. While Jadison is in his sophomore year he is faced with peer pressure and experiences with some different types of drugs…(ecstasy, pills, weed, liquid cocaine, and computer cleaner, ) during the time he is experiencing all these new things Jadison is also trying to work on himself as a man of integrity and dignity. He’s trying to be a good positive strong adult because he is soon to be 21 this next coming year and he wants to have everything on point so that he can become that superhuman type individual who has his priorities and life in order from front to back and back to front. Jadison feels the pressure from his physicist professor Ms. Akimi (shes Japanese and Jadison has a crush on her. He secretly fantasizes about fucking her relentlessly all over the classroom.) Jadison is going to fail her class if he doesn’t step his game up, but he has stepped his game up and he is still failing. He has never worked so hard and put so much effort into his schooling and studies before and still gained nothing. He is trying his hardest but it’s still not good enough. [All the while he is going back and forth from trying to do the right things to partying scenes and doing drugs and alcohol with some college friends at college parties. There are going to be some sub stories that build up the main story of Jadison outlined throughout the chapters.] The semester seems to be taking its time as the days pass and Jadison is hit with the reality that he is not going pass his physicist class. A class that is required for his major that is only offered once every 4 years. Jadison dream job revolves around this class. It’s his life. Something he has always wanted and gave his life purpose. He’s losing his mind and starts to hit the drugs and alcohol harder….one Friday night at the dorms alone Jadison decides to pick up a gram of marijuana from one of his buddies and a bottle of wine so he can enjoy his late weekend evening alone listening to the sounds of Kid Cudi. Sipping away at his chilled Sauvignon Blanc, crossing it with the effect of the sweet bud laced with THC, Jadison is pulled deep into thought and crosses into a whole other world located in the sole center of his mind. There he has an epiphany and comes to a resolve with his situation with class. He must kill Ms. Akimi and make sure that no one ever finds out or catches him in the act. He quickly devises a plan and goes through it in his mind for weeks. Finally he gains the will power to set his plan in motion. The following Monday he tells Ms. Akimi he needs to make an after hour appointment for a review on his past quiz due to some discrepancies. Luckily for him, Ms. Akimi was planning on staying late to finish up grading some papers that night and so she could squeeze him in right after she finished….. It was late, like around 10pm when Jadison met with Ms. Akimi. He walked into her office and was relieved to find no one there. In fact it seemed as though the whole Sierra Tower was empty by the quietness of the hallways. She closes the door and heads to the back toward another door. Jadison looks around observes his surroundings…empty, quiet, and gloomy. Seems the room had already been marked for death to pay it a little visit. Ms. Akimi tells Jadison to take a seat while she finishes up correcting papers. Jadison seats himself a few feet behind Ms. Akimi purposely to the left of her so that his shadow is concealed in the one casted down by the 9ft tall file cabinet lining the wall to the east side of the room. Jadison sits wondering when will be the right time to attack, and before he even realizes it he is already standing up walking toward her. He gets right up to her and goes to reach for her neck just as she turns around and looks at him startled. Her eyes confused and dazed, she is lost in the moment. It is too late now though, Jadison must complete his objective. He grabs her by the neck and covers her mouth to muffle the sounds of her screaming. He throws her against the wall and she goes limp. She isn’t dead though, just unconscious. He sits her up against the wall. She is beautiful; a beautiful disaster slain by the hands of an imbalanced 20yo. Jadison walks over to her and picks her body up off the floor. He feels his body waking up to the warm sensation of Ms. Akimi and his mind journeys back into his fantasies of him and making love to her. Jadison can’t control himself any longer at this moment. He lays Ms. Akimi on the table begins to kiss her, taking in the taste of her sweet lips. He takes in this moment of lust and lets it clothe him delicately as he unbuttons his jeans and slides down his pants. He parts Ms. Akimi's legs and fall deep into her penetrating her with his sword. She’s nice, real nice. Jadison goes harder, deeper, faster, and stronger. He grabs her breast and marvels them. His mouth waters and longs for the taste of her pink nipples. He heads up north driving his tongue from her belly button to the valley of her breast. He takes in each nipple like it’s a grape flavored jolly rancher. They react to the moisture and warmth of his mouth getting hard. And as her nipples get hard so does Jadison. He is at his peak and begins to blow out the contents of his mind through his sword. He releases, and turns her insides into winter wonderland. Fantasy fulfilled…. Time to get rid of the evidence… Jadison, wanting to avoid a bloody mess quickly dressed and put the room back to normal view. He walked back to the table where Ms. Akimi lay unconscious and raised her head into his arms and cradled it like a baby. One swift move, and 3 seconds later…Ms. Akemi is Dead... Jadison snaps her neck.

(This is the bases for my novel, Jadison. I am going to take an entire year to perfect it and mold it into the best story I possibly can. Hope you enjoyed the pre-script, stay tuned for the finished masterpiece; I am shooting to make it a couple of hundred pages long and very very juicy. So don’t worry that was just the introduction to my book: Jadison)

She Killed Me...

She was my everything. My night, my day, my light, my dark, my love, my happiness. She was my everything.


With her I was complete and whole.

She was the keeper of my heart who I entrusted with to hold, to love, to cherish…

Her smile was my ecstasy, her laughter was my healing, her presence was my protection, and her touch…Her touch was my life taking off on the road to our Happily Ever After Fairytale Ending.

Her words were sweet and warm.

And with her by my side I was someone unlike any other human that walked this earth. I was Spiderman and she was my Mary Jane.

And a prisoner of her love I was. My only wishes were to fall deeper into her love and be her one Knight in Shining Armor.

But Doubt…

Doubt was the Enemy.

My Victorious enemy at that. How he made his way into her heart, only God knows.

All I know is I lye here in a pool of my loves blood grasping for air; for life. For the day she doubted who I was and what I was to her in truth was the day my soul departed with no farewell. My heart left broken, shattered, and destroyed.

Why?... Because Life is a bitch, a beautiful bitch. That’s the conclusion I have come to acknowledge.

I question though this…For something so good, and true; so beautiful and pure, why was there such a cruel ending.

I turn from her forever now and seek comfort within myself. How could someone so beautiful turn heartless and take the life of her lover?

Awake

I am a mirror man because I am not me, nor am I who you to believe. Those reflections you see of me are misleading renditions that seek to define me. The individual inside is growing with knowledge fueled through rage. My counterpart seeks to indulge in my wrath being taken in by the man who prowls after me day in and day out awaiting my down fall so that he may rob me of my treasures that lay hidden within my soul. Foolish is the bastard and feeble his mind must be, for my treasures surely will die with me as the last breath releases its touch from my lips.

With only one life to live, my beginning was a fade due to Satan’s will to fuck someone’s life up. He’s the definition of a true Bitch, definition and origin granted to him the day his mind committed suicide. Unique I am now…the truth: I was touched, someone pure and innocent touched by the corruption of the world. Still good though I am; I bare the scars like the warrior of some tribal community. I am.

A Warrior.

Some like me, some despise me, and others could care less. Left up to those who love me, they say that I am special- special because I am unique and unique because I am special. An unclear understanding is what accompanies me as I set off to find happiness and my other half.

I am fearless to this world and its Monsters… need I remind you that I bare the scars of a warrior inflicted upon me by the true Bitch of this world. I walk tall and strong, but I am trapped, I am human, and I am hurting. Darkness and sadness trail me on this troublesome journey. I turn left, then right, then left again to try to shake them and in front of me staring me in the eyes is the door to deaths’ house.

I close my eyes and do what I do best: Dream

I dream of peace, love and friendship. My hearts’ 3 most desired things in life. I feel the wind on my skin and it speaks to me saying “Wake my son”

I open my eyes and there I am, lying in a field of green pastures beside the still waters.

I drink….

Footsteps off in the distance…

My heart starts to pound…

I am beyond scared, for this time I just may be--..SWOOSH!

Anxiety fills my lungs

I can’t breath

I feel her breath upon me and my shirt is ripped off

I hear another’s voice saying “pierce his heart, and this time don’t miss”

I turn to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s too late…

I am lying on my back in bed half naked, soak and wet from sweat.

Annoyed from the Loud BUZZING noise coming from my alarm, I snatch it out the wall and throw it across the room…

Weird: I remember falling asleep with a shirt on….

Music.....

[Cody]- "Walks over to the bed and turns on his Ipod...Connects the headset and slides the earbuds comfortably in his ears....let the ride begin"

What inspires me is music. It's somthing that takes me away from life, far away to parallel universe full of beats and rhythm. I am its lover. MUSIC. My lover and its faithful and worthy of all my trust. It gives me such a strong EUPHORIA that life itself doesnt seem to exist anymore. Its such a GRAND feeling that pills and drugs are unworthy of inflicting such ECTASY on one person. It turns my brain waves into an amusement park where everything is built around catering to me and my needs. A musical world is formed around me and holds me as its true prisoner of war. Its an ongoing battle of beats verses rhymes verses instruments verses lyrics--When the war Begins-- I am raped brutally and relentlessly. Mercy is for the Bitch that is sound asleep dreaming of counting sheep under a full moon.


 Through music my dreams are reality, my problems are resolved and perfection is what is staring back a me as I stand here looking into the mirror. With music i can do anything-- flying through the concrete jungle as it reveals itself to me through the streets of New York is like a walk in the park; a walk in the park where the ground is made of the keys of a piano and the monkey bars are the strings of a spanish guitar. It whispers in my ear the sweetest sound ever known to man. I am weak to its attack and I release....Lying here defeated I am wet from my submission to music, to My love...

We lie together emotionally entangled. I am soothed by the touch of it and I cant take it anymore...this game of cat and mouse. I attack, penitrating music with all of my essence. I am vicious and head strong. Relentlessly returning the favor, I rape music with the eye of the tiger and the body of a Greek God.  The tables have turned and with all of my might I dig deep and free fall in. Deeper and deeper Music and I fall into Ectasy...

falling......

Deeper...

and Deeper

My heart races...beating like that sound of a thousand clydesdale horses racing --I am at my climax
And I must release because of fear of the unknown



.............


......



......

..

I live in a nightmare of hells deadly grasp.....

Fuck you, fuck him, fuck her, fuck them

fuck it all. Somone once told me that the good guy always finishes last. I Proudly laughed it off and thought to myself...What a douche bag, a low life rather- with the mind of a undeveloped child and the experience of a single sperm waiting to be fertilized. How could the good guy always finish last? That doesnt make sense..does it?  If good prevails over evil, and bad guys walk in the shadow of evil then why the hell does the good guy finish last?
...................ok, wait.... let me open the door to reality. These people arnt bad guys  but indeed I am the good guy and I am saying in truth...FUCK YOU
I am the nice guy, I am the good guy, I am the one who will take the bullet for my worse enemy overlooking what he or she may have done.
I am the guy who will jump through loops for you.
YOU being the person who I just got off the phone with, or the person who just walked by me in the hallway on their way to class.You being the person reading this, or the person completely unaware that I or this blog even exist.
Yes...I am that person who puts himself on the line for you when I can,  and when I cant at the cost of nothing. I sacrifice myself for you. That is to say that I am second nature and not first. But pump your breaks and let reality slap you in the face because I am not Superman, nor am I the Hulk. And as much as I wish that I could say that I am your friendly neighborhood Spiderman...I cant.
CONCLUSION
I am not a Superhero, I am not Superhuman
I am what you see when you look in the mirror every morning. I am a human being and I function as a human being.  I have emotions--I get happy, sad, Angry--
I laugh, I cry, I smile, I eat, I think, I breath, I sleep

Dont you get it? I am a human being!

Realize that I dont keep going and going  and going like the energizer bunny- No one does
...and im curious...I thought that the world revolved around the sun and that the people lived on the planet? When did this change? When did people start thinking that their needs were more important than the next, or the earth revolved around them? I CAN SOUND THE ALARM TO WAKE EVERYONE FROM THIS ILLUSION

I have no problem in doing so.... I mean I am here to help after all

You see the truth is that I truly understand the whole purpose to life itself.
Funny huh, at the young tender age of 19 I sit here claiming to have discovered the purpose to life and indeed I have.........I assume you wish me to reveal it to you

but I cant
its somthing that you live day in and day out
sun up til sun down- day after day after day
And when you discover it
life is beautiful, its everything you could ever imagine and you never want it to end.

But unfortunately for every start there is a finish and to every breath given, one is taken.

It appears my breaths have begun to limit themselves. Surely it seems that way from the begininng of this blog. I lose hope and await for someone like an older me to come uplift the feeble-minded man I have become. For I do agree that I am strong for my brethren who is all I have but when he who is so close to me makes to turn against me, I am weak and puzzled.
For I'd lay down my life to save my own enemys life and give my heart to save his enemys life....then why must I be turned upon with such  betrayal
.....to this I say
Fuck you, fuck him, fuck her, fuck them all...

Kill me dead for my soul has been sucked out of my body, and I lye here dead...Slain by the knock of a policeman awaiting my answer just on the other side of the dorm room door

Red against the black of this webpage is the best way to begin this part of the chapter- Given that you werent immediately pulled in through the tone of the title...

You know I ask myself time and time again Am I a good guy? And for the most part the answer that shoots out the left side of my brain is always yes. "Your a great Guy". and I go on about life satisfied with the days work. But today was my day of reckoning=\ .....
As I inhale the smoke coming off of the pipe from the flame kissing the sweet green bud inside the pipe, I am taken deeper and deeper into my state of  relaxation of the Universal mind controlling beats coming out through the speakers. I am on a road to extasy where worries don't exist and feeling good is the only thing that is allowed. Deeper and Deeper I fall into this state as I press forward kissing the pipe; I am making love to it and its as good as it gets. I exhale and my mission is complete. I am done, destination arrived at, and fantasy fulfilled...or so I think. I am enjoying my high and everything is good...too good.....

  3 knocks sound on the door with the impact of Thor's Hammer and HELL has been AWAKEN. The music is loud but I cant hear it-the piercing sound of lifeless horror consumes me and My insides contract  slowly pulling in toward the center of my body. It seems  as though my soul has left my body. THEN OUT OF NOWHERE 3 MORE LOUDER KNOCKS CAME AND I KNEW RIGHT THEN AND THERE THAT I WAS DEAD TO WORLD. STUCK LIKE GLUE. I SCRAPE UP THE WILL POWER TO MOVE TOWARD THE DOOR KNOWING THAT SOON MY DEAD BODY WOULD BE STARING LIFELESS UP AT MY SOUL IGNORANT TO THE SITUATION.  I MAKE IT TO THE DOOR AND WITH A TWIST OF THE KNOB THE DOOR IS FORCED OPENED AND  CONCEALED BeHIND THE DOOR STOOD 2 POLICEMAN AND 2 RA'S[RESIDENT ADVISORS]
sHOCK WAVES LITERALLY SHOT THROUGH MY BODY AND I WAS PARALYZED ...DEAD
In they walked one behind the other disecting the the scene with eyes like a tiger...quick and lethal. All was there to be seen, and placed delicately on the table. A charcoal colored nicely shaped piece paired with a bob marley lighter. [how classy right?] I WAS CAUGHT DEAD.
Still paralyzed by the rude awakening that I have been cursed with I try to force myself to get a grip and sober up...little help it was.

The short fat officer does the collecting of the bud, or as he called it the collecting of "evidence". Happily I wave good bye to the last of the weed I will ever smoke in my life. IM DONE WITH THIS SO CALLED SUBSTANCE KNOWN TO MAN AS MARIJUANA.
I believe it was christopher columbus and his group of men who brought it over to this land back during his expedition days. [info Courtesy of the history channel and youtube]

yes yes, ok, alright back to the fat officer and his collecting of "evidence''.
He cleans up well  and leaves not a crumb. We began to go through the standard procedure for someone whose caught with possession of marijuana. FML right now ....on goes the procedure; he gets my name, number, social security number ...EVERYTHING. He gets it all and finally the US government has added me to their system at the fine age of 19. I hear my file being pulled over the police officers radio...its a woman speaking: "Okay I have Cody Taylor, Male, 6ft 7inches, African American, 19yo, birthday= 12/26/1989 @ this address _________. "

My mind is racing 100miles a minute and the nautiousness kicks in. I am on the verge of throwing up the juicy BBQ "boneless" rib I just ate about an hour ago. I control my breathing to reduce the chances of vomit splattering the freshly cleaned floor.
It works.
The policeman tries to strike up some conversation to break the gloomy silence but his efforts where savagely defeated- For I am unable to converse, think, breath, blink.....I AM UNABLE TO FUNCTION.

Time is ticking...second after second...tick tock tick tock tick tock.
the time continues and soon I am handed a ticket citation with my name and court date on it....How cool it is to be an American Citizen right about now
The fat police officer bids me farewell and leads the way out my dorm room. FINALLY I AM FREE TO FREAK THE FUCK OUT !!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO NOW. I MIGHT AS WELL PACK UP MOVE TO CHINA AND CHANGE MY NAME TO PING LEE!!!! MY LIFE IS OVER AND IM DEAD. THIS ISNT A BAD DREAM, THIS IS REALITY MY FRIENDS..i CODY TAYLOR FUCKED UP BIG TIME AND THIS MISTAKE COULD COST ME EVERYTHING I HAVE WORKED HARD AT TO GET ME TO THIS PLACE. THIS GREAT, AMBITIOUS, OPPERTUNITY GIVING, KNOWLEDGE INSTALLING, AND LIFE TIME EXPERIENCE LIFESTYLE.[COLLEGE!!!]


As i think deep about what just happened, I calm down and I relax. The dorm is dead silent due to the murdering presence of the police that have just exited. Its just me, my room, and all my things here. No one and Nothing else exist. ITs quiet....real quiet and I have adjusted to this calm vibe. Its like the calm after a big scary storm...BINK!!! my cell phone notifies me that I have a text message from Dain[New Guy I met...pretty cool dude I would say].. my heart beat rises as a reAction and then thiings mellow out again-----

I am overwhelmed  and my thoughts grow limited. It is time that I do what is possibly the most valuable advice you can give any one person.
"Sleep on it"
yes yes I must sleep and hope for a better sence of understanding in the morning
...I am too weak from the battle....................
for I have been slain by the knock of a policeman.



[Live above the influence+Stay away from Drugs]!!!!!

Analysis of the DormSocial

Did i have a good time....thats the important question, the one that matters most

i had an okay time. As usual i dominated in beer pong and chattered up some small talk with a few worthy young ladies...didnt manage to get names or numbers tho. Sucks for me, right? yes, i knoe especially since im craving the attention of my dream girl to make her presence known in life

many heart aches...lifes a bitch
a beautiful bitch
though, shit someone has to admit it


but hold up people, Ive gone off course once again just like the day before and the day before that day and so on and so forth continually.

back to beerpong...so i decided to sell Ivan the rights to my partner slot-many buyers bid but none worthy to be a true partner to the beerpong champ himself.

The game to took start and Ivan right off the back took the title of a dynamite player[really im being over nice with that statement...take if very lightly] But not to complain because we were consistant through out the game and lived up to our titles(ChaMPS). The only annoyance came from this genuine New Yorker who had never played a game in life until tonight. Oh joy to his good first game for he indeed was vicious in attack. Demian [the cool roommate] sucked as usual lol I mean from what I have been able to collect from him hes not that good but its ok. Thats small shit.

[hmmmmm...]

[the roomies are talking loud...its nice puts me in the mood to talk more. ironically i dont think that is going to happen.]

Back to the beerpong, so yea yur guess is as good as mine .WE WON not surprised and no im not a cocky arrogant asshole I just write through my mind and anything and everything goes on my blog....as i have said[Its my world and its a Black Tie Affair]

.....We win and i am bored so i decide to go home to smoke. It was ok. You know I never smoked or drank til college, wish I hadnt but it was inevitable for me. Not ashamed but I do hold regret.

We Smoked
I took two hits because I realize im such a weirdo when I smoke like I cant control myself and my emotions. Leaving me to the universe to conduct a circus act with me.

My efforts to stop smoking as well as my efforts to stop drinking are in full swing now. Weed is not cool..... however DRINKING=]...it may be different-I dont  like it much but then again I do. Its a confusing situation to contemplate. I must admit though that in all truth it is fun and the golden eliment that keeps the party in perfect alighnment.
Retired to the room after a few mins of conversation and began to let my mind dine on the abundant source of blank space that begs to be written on.

...................................................................mindset change

I have been blanketed with sleep
sorry to have to cut you off but this is a real life blog
in the time of me
ZZZZZZZZZZZ
...and just like that
Im gone
;-]

Experiencing with the Biggest Gateway Drug Known to Mann Tonite at a DormSocial

Yea so as we speak I am waiting right now for my friends and I to engage ourselves into a night of drinking and  theAmerican Boogy, lol American Boogy; who says that shit. I say that shit, I think I do anyways well thats what my mind tells me and then I am hit with the realization that I am thinking way too much


[pause]

ok so I am better now
but what to do in the meantime

just waiting waiting waiting.....


the door bells ring and just like that I'm out like the light.